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WOODWINDS JOKES


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How do you get two piccolos to play in unison?

Shoot one.

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Two musicians are walking down the street, and one says to the other, "Who
was that piccolo I saw you with last night?"

The other replies, "That was no piccolo, that was my fife."

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Why is a bassoon better than an oboe?

The bassoon burns longer.

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What is a burning oboe good for?

Setting a bassoon on fire.

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What is the definition of a half step?

Two oboes playing in unison.

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Q: What do clarinetists use for birth control? 
A: Their personalities. 

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Q: What's the definition of a minor second interval? 
A: Two Soprano Sax players reading off the same part. 

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Q: What's the difference between an oboe and a bassoon? 
A: You can hit a baseball further with a bassoon. 

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What is the definition of a major second?

Two baroque oboes playing in unison.

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How do you get an oboist to play A flat?

Take the batteries out of his electric tuner.

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Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get away from the bassoon recital.

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What's the difference between a SCUD missile and a bad oboist?

A bad oboist can kill you.

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How many clarinetists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one, but he'll go through a whole box of bulbs before he finds

just the right one.

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What's the definition of "nerd?"

Someone who owns his own alto clarinet.

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What do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain?

Gifted.

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You might notice that there are very few jokes about the clarinet. This is

out of sympathy. The clarinet has already been the butt of so many jokes -

the saxophone, for instance.

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How many alto sax players does it take to change a lightbulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn

would have done it.

What's the difference between a saxophone and a lawn mower?

1. Lawn mowers sound better in small ensembles.

2. The neighbors are upset if you borrow a lawnmower and don't

return it.

3. The grip.

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What's the difference between a baritone saxophone and a chain saw?

The exhaust.

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The soprano, not being smart enough to use birth control, says to her

saxophonist lover, "Honey, I think you better pull out now."

He replies, "Why? Am I sharp?"

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Small wonder we have so much trouble with air pollution in the world when

so much of it has passed through saxophones.


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Spike's World


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