Blank

PopRock
FolkRock
Folk
Pop
Irish
Music Humor

Humor Home

Accordion Humor

Brass Humor

Cello/Bass Humor

Jazz/Folk Humor

Lute/Harp/Piano Humor

Percussion Humor

Violin Humor

Vocalist Humor

Woodwind Humor

 

 

 

 

 

Web Rings

 

Stuck in someone else's frames? break free!

SpikesWorldMusic HomeChristmas Home

 

VOCALIST JOKES


^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~


Soprano Jokes:

If you threw a violist and a soprano off a cliff, which one would hit the

ground first? (two answers)

1. The violist. The soprano would have to stop halfway down to ask

directions.

2. Who cares?

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~

Q: How does a young man become a member of a high school chorus? 
A: On the first day of school he turns into the wrong classroom. 

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~

Q: What's the first thing a girl singer does in the morning? 
A: Puts on her clothes and goes home. 

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~

Female vocalist asks her keyboard player, "I'd like to do 'My Funny Valentine' tonight... but can you think of a way to 'jazz' it up?" Keyboard player replies, "Sure, we can do the first chorus in G minor, then modulate to G# minor for the second chorus in 5/4 time, then modulate to A minor in 3/4 time for the bridge, then cut off the last 3 bars!" She claims, "That might be too complicated to do without a rehearsal!" Keyboard player responds, "Well, that's how you did it last night!"


^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~


What's the difference between a soprano and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with a terrorist.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~


What's the difference between a soprano and a piranha?

The lipstick.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~


What's the difference between a soprano and a pit bull?

The jewelry.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~


How many sopranos does it take to change a lightbulb?

1. One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.

2. Two. One to hold the diet cola and the other to get her

accompanist to do it.

3. Four. One to change the bulb and three to pull the chair out from

under her.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~

What's the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and the average All-Pro

offensive lineman?

Stage makeup.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~


What's the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and a Wagnerian Tenor?

About 10 pounds.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~


How is a soubrette (young, flirtatious maidservant) different from a sewer rat?

Some people actually like sewer rats.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~


What is the difference between a soubrette and a cobra?

One is deadly poisonous, and the other is a reptile.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~


How do you tell if a Wagnerian soprano is dead?

The horses seem very relieved.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~


What's the first thing a soprano does in the morning?

Puts on her clothes and goes home.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~


What's the next thing a soprano does in the morning?

Looks for her instrument.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~


What's the difference between a soprano and a Porsche?

Most musicians have never been in a Porsche.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~


What's the definition of an alto?

A soprano who can sight-read.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~


A jazz musician dies and goes to heaven. He is told "Hey man, welcome! You

have been elected to the Jazz All-Stars of Heaven--right up there with

Satchmo, Miles, Django, all the greats. We have a gig tonight. Only one

problem--God's girlfriend gets to sing."

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~


Alto Jokes:

What's the difference between an alto and a tenor?

Tenors don't have hair on their backs.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~


How many altos does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

1. None. They can't get that high.

2. Two; one to screw it in and the other to say, "Isn't that a

little high for you?"

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~


Tenor Jokes:

How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to bitch that they could have

done it if they had the high notes.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~

What do you see if you look up a soprano's skirt?

A tenor.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~


How do you tell if a tenor is dead?

The wine bottle is still full and the comics haven't been touched.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~


How do you put a sparkle in a soprano's eye?

Shine a flashlight in her ear.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~


Where is a tenor's resonance?

Where his brain should be.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~


What's the definition of a male quartet?

Three men and a tenor.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~


Did you hear about the tenor who announced that in the following season he

would only sing three title roles: Othello, Samson, and Forza del Destino?

(true story)

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~


If you took all the tenors in the world and laid them end to end, it would

be a good idea.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~




Bass Jokes

How do you tell if a bass is actually dead?

Hold out a check (but don't be fooled: a slight, residual spasmodic

clutching action may occur even hours after death has occurred).

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~


How do you tell if a bass is dead?

1. What's the difference?

2. Who cares?

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~


In the last act of Don Giovanni, there is always a statue which is replaced

at some point by a real singer, a bass (the Commendatore). How can you tell

when the switch has occurred?

The "statue" starts looking a bit stiff.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~


How many basses does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They're so macho they prefer to walk in the dark and bang their

shins.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~


High School Chorus Jokes

What is the difference between the men's final at Wimbledon and a high

school choral performance?

The tennis final has more men.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~


How does a young man become a member of a high school chorus?

On the first day of school he turns into the wrong classroom.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~


What is the difference between a world war and a high school choral

performance?

The performance causes more suffering.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~


Why do high school choruses travel so often?

Keeps assassins guessing.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~


What's the definition of an optimist?

A choral director with a mortgage.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~


What is the difference between a high school choral director and a

chimpanzee?

It's scientifically proven that chimpanzees are able to communicate

with humans.


^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~


Spike's World


Sign Guestbook    Viesw Guestbook


 Join one of our Discussion Forums:

Free Recipe Collection Forum

Jewish Recipe Forum

Spike's Music Forum


We also publish two newsletters a couple of times a month. To subscribe, send a blank email to the appropriate email address.  Topica will send you a message asking if you really intended to subscribe - just click reply - that's it!

Free Recipe Collection Newsletter:
freerecipes-subscribe@topica.com

Jewish Recipe Collection Newsletter:
jewishrecipes-subscribe@topica.com


Search this site powered by FreeFind

Our Favorite Internet Search Engine:  www.google.com


Any problems with this page? Send the URL of this page & a description of the problem to webmaster.  Thank you!


Back to Spike's & Jamie's Recipe Collection

 


Tired of Geek Speak when 
you have Computer Questions?

The Newbie Club - 
Computer Information for the Rest of Us!


Disclaimer: These web site links are listed as a convenience to our visitors. If you use these links, we take no responsibility and give no guarantees, warranties or representations, implied or otherwise, for the content or accuracy of these third-party sites.

Due to the number of recipes and tips we receive, it is impossible for us to personally test each one and therefore we cannot guarantee its success. Please let us know if you find errors in any of them. 

We do not endorse or recommend any recipes, tips, products or services listed in our ezines or on our web pages. You use them and their contents at your own risk and discretion. If you do not agree to these terms, please don't continue to use them. If you do use them, it means you agree to these terms.

These web site links are listed as a convenience to our visitors. If you use these links, we take no responsibility and give no guarantees, warranties or representations, implied or otherwise, for the content or accuracy of these third-party sites.

Copyright notice - No infringement of any text or graphic copyright is intended. If you own the copyright to any original image or document used for the creation of the graphics or information on this site, please contact the Webmaster with all pertinent info so that proper credit can be given. If you wish to have it removed from the site, it will be replaced ASAP.