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VIOLIN JOKES


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What's the difference between a violin and a viola?

There is no difference. The violin just looks smaller because the

violinist's head is so much bigger.

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Q: How does a violist's brain cell die? 
A: Alone. 

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Q: How do you keep your violin from being stolen? 
A: Put it in a viola case. 

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Q: What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common? 
A: Everyone is relieved when the case is closed. 

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What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle?

A fiddle is fun to listen to.

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Why are viola jokes so short?

So violinists can understand them.

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How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?

The dog knows when to stop scratching.

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How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They can't get up that high!

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String players' motto: "It's better to be sharp than out of tune."

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Why is a violinist like a SCUD missile?

Both are offensive and inaccurate.

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Why don't viola players suffer from piles (hemorrhoids)?

Because all the assholes are in the first violin section.

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What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin?

No-one minds if you spill beer on a fiddle.

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Why do violinists put a cloth between their chin and their instrument?

Violins don't have spit valves.

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Why should you never try to drive a roof nail with a violin?

You might bend the nail.

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A violinist says to his wife, "Oh, baby, I can play you just like my

violin."

His wife replies, "I'd rather have you play me like a harmonica!"


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Jacques Thibault, the violinist, was once handed an autograph book by a fan

while in the greenroom after a concert. "There's not much room on this

page," he said. "What shall I write?"


Another violinist, standing by, offered the following helpful hint: "Write

your repertoire."



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"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant.

"You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter."

"Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"

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