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LUTE, HARP, PIANO, ORGAN JOKES


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Lute players spend half their time tuning their instrument and the other half playing out of tune.

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Q: What will you never say about a banjo player? 
A: That's the banjo player's Porsche. 

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Q: What do a guitar solo and premature ejaculation have in common? 
A: You know it's coming and there's nothing you can do about it. 

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Q: What do you call a guitar player who only knows two chords? 
A: A music critic.

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Q: What's the difference between a guitar player and a large pizza? 
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four. 

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Q: Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players? 
A: It saves time in the long run. 

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Why are harps like elderly parents?

Both are unforgiving and hard to get into and out of cars.

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How long does a harp stay in tune?

About 20 minutes, or until someone opens a door.

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What's the definition of a quarter tone?

A harpist tuning unison strings.

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What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?

A flat minor.

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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A flat major.

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Why is an 11-foot concert grand better than a studio upright?

Because it makes a much bigger kaboom when dropped over a cliff.

Why was the piano invented?

So the musician would have a place to put his beer.

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The audience at a piano recital were appalled when a telephone rang just off stage. Without missing a note the soloist glanced toward the wings and called, "If that's my agent, tell him I'm working!"

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What does a German Hammond organist do in his life's most tender moments?

He puts his Leslie on "slow".

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The organ is the instrument of worship for in its sounding we sense the

Majesty of God and in its ending we know the Grace of God.


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