Spike's Music Humor

ACCORDION JOKES

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If you drop an accordion, a set of bagpipes and a viola off a 20-story
building, which one lands first?

Who cares?

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Q: Why did the clarinet player marry the accordion player?
A: Upward mobility.

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What's the difference between an Uzi and an accordion?

The Uzi stops after 20 rounds.

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What do you call ten accordions at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start.

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What's a bassoon good for?

Kindling for an accordion fire.

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What's a accordion good for?

Learning how to fold a map.

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What do you call a group of topless female accordion players?

Ladies in Pain

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Bumper Stickers:

1. Play an accordian--go to jail!

2. Three rows and you're out!

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Minimum safe distances between street musicians and the public:

* Violinist: 25 feet

* Bad Violinist: 50 feet

* Tone Deaf Guitar Player who knows 3 chords: 75 feet

* 15 year-old Electric Guitar Player with Nirvana fixation: 100 feet

* Accordionist: 60 miles

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Chang Jokes

[A "Chang" is a Central Asian instrument (from countries such as Uzbekistan). It's something like a hammered dulcimer with a damper pedal.]

How long does it take to tune a chang?

Nobody knows.

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Why is it so difficult to tune a chang?

So that the violist can feel superior about something.

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Q: How many chang players does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them. One to twist the bulb for several hours, and the other one to decide that it's as good as it's going to get, and that they might as well flip the switch.

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